New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
