just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
