Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
How many fucks given?
0.12846
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