Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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