I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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