Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
