Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
wanna go halves on a baby?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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