apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
