how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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