you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
