so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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