yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
