Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
