so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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