i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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