i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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