Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
