she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
