Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
