God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
