I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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