Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
