this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
