Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
