i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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