Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize
