drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
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I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
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A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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