vagina is talking i cant
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
