Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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