I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
