"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
