This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
