there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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