Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
