HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
So much Jack, so little girl.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
