I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
