I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm both gender and math confused
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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