I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
