Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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