she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
