he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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