A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
