So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
