So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
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