If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It's official drugs can't kill me
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
