I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
