just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
