There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
