Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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