I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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