New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
