I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
