Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
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All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
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Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Rumble strips road head = magical
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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