Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
