Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
