She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
