there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
