xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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