Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
