Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
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