did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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