i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
i think im in europe. pls send help
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
