she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
