I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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