Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize