absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
