eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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