Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
