I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
