i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
