if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
