I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
