is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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