Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
