I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
