I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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