im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
