i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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