Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
