I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Will exercising make me less horny?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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