okay pat passed out under dana's car
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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