We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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