all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
