6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
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She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
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Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize