No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
