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Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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