How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
