Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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